What I really want may seem so selfish as to be unthinkable, but nonetheless, if I am to be honest... what I really want is to be pretty much left alone to write, without having to bother with basic needs such as housework, etc.
Of course, to make that possible... I could not actually BE alone, or who would do the laundry, dishes, and so on?
I suppose if I have realized that I truly love writing more than performing, more than any other endeavor... then it behooves me to investigate means by which I might achieve this dream and thereby turn it into a goal.
I can think of several satisfactory scenarios, any of which may have its associated drawbacks, but let's explore them.
1. Stay with various wealthy families who enjoy being patrons of the arts. The drawback to this is that I would not be able to impose on such people with my entire family, therefore it would require separation from them. On the other hand, in a few years, once my youngest has grown to independence: why not?
2. Obtain a grant or grants to underwrite such expenses as my lifestyle would require. Currently I could do quite well with $1500/month, but in order to hire a maid, I may need an additional $500 or more per month. (Depending on his/her duties... and I am NOT opposed to hiring a man for a maid if he'll do a good job!)
3. Win the lottery... well, we all know the likelihood of this. And if I won, it could turn my loved ones into monsters, so I don't know if I would actually keep the money. I am thinking I would do best to have a highly trusted friend cash the winning ticket and pay me an allowance. I have someone in mind whom I know has invested well for HIMSELF... like Warren Buffet with Bill Gates, I could hardly do poorly with this gentleman in charge of my finances. Well, anyway: winning is a long shot.
4. Since I love playing music ALMOST as much as I enjoy writing, I could continue to pound the pavement looking for gigs... which could pay the bills and MAYBE hire the coveted maid... but might leave me with less than satisfactory energy levels to spend enough time on my writing.
Okay. I think that is enough options for argument's sake. The point is, I don't feel that I can plod through life as "normal" people do... work my 40 hours, get my paycheck, pay my bills, with that pathetic carrot of "retirement" at the end of the road.
If I don't find my equilibrium soon, it's going to have far-reaching consequences. Therefore it is imperative that I make SOMETHING work. Any ideas from the peanut gallery? And any "get a job" posts will likely be deleted, so if you have no imagination, please go post comments on someone else's blog.