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Saturday, December 08, 2001

7:12am est: I'm getting more and more depressed. This rehab thing is really getting me down... the one I don't want to go to, Kids in Distress will pay for, and to do it through my insurance company means we will have to come up with the money ourselves. Plus, the DCF worker today told me their main goal is to make me change my attitude and belief about marijuana. Well, HELLO! They can not do that. All they CAN do is force me into a position where I must lie in order to avoid having my children taken away. I am an honest person and resent this. But what really gets me is that I THOUGHT I had a constitutional right to think & believe what I choose. These people are telling me that if I don't agree with their propaganda that they will remove my children from my home. Can anyone say NAZI?

On the brighter side, my husband is behind me all the way. I've offered to leave so they'll stop coming around and quit bothering him, but he says he doesn't want that. On the other hand, he's been having trouble sleeping when he normally doesn't, so I know it IS getting to him. They are treating him like a criminal basically because he did not turn me in for smoking pot. How free is this country, really? But where is it any better?

Now I am really at a point where I do not feel like doing any housework, etc. much less decorating for Christmas. Lately I wish I could just cease to exist... life has become an unbearable burden. I am weary of living under the threat of DCF and the fear & intimidation tactics they use. I wish to God I could afford a good lawyer so I could just get these people off my back! And why stop there... if I could afford a good lawyer, I could afford a housekeeper, and, for that matter, a larger home out in the country with horses. Sigh. Maybe one day... but will I be too old and feeble to enjoy it by then?

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