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Friday, December 28, 2001

As usual, I didn't get back on later... the baby wore me out. But she fell asleep early in the crib and slept there 'til about 1:30 am again, then I changed her and nursed her + put her back to sleep in the bassinet in my room... which isn't going to be an option much longer as she is rapidly outgrowing it.

I went to the psychologist who specializes in substance abuse yesterday. She isn't going to see me for long either if I refuse to follow any of her recommendations. For example, she wants me to attend either N/A or A/A at least once a week. I'd rather go to church, personally. N/A and A/A are both a crock if you ask me. At N/A people come in and go "blah blah blah" then meet in the parking lot to score drugs off each other... and I'm not an alcoholic, so A/A is really not for me either. In fact, I'm sober now, and have no desire to get stoned since they'll take my kids away if I do. I like reefer, but I LOVE my kids. Well... we'll see what happens. At least I took a piss test last week, so the negative results will be in my favor if BSO forces the issue and takes me to court over my noncompliance.

She (Dr. Leiva, the psychologist) also wants me to determine what I want to change in my life, and actively work on that with her. There ARE some things I want to change, but I'm not sure if I want to badly enough to ACTIVELY work on them... time will tell. In the meantime, showing up for appointments with her is as much as I can deal with. If she drops me cuz I'm not following her recommendations, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

I made chili last night, but we have no crackers nor shredded cheddar cheese, so my husband is supposed to be stopping at the store for those on the way home this morning. As a matter of fact, he just walked in. I guess I'll see what he got. Maybe I'll log back in here and add some more later. If not... toodles!

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