I haven't been here in a while, and I don't have time to stay right now. But I've bookmarked it again (my computer crashed, and I'm setting my favorites, etc. back up now...)

I'll be back!

My friend Frank from England is going to be here this evening. Not sure how long he's going to stay here in south Florida... he got a free trip to Orlando plus $300 to do a wiring job for a long-time customer of his, and figured while he was over here, he'd come down so we could meet in person.

Today has been absolutely GRUELING. I got up and folded the last load of Billy's laundry left over from last night, then took Sarah to the dentist, then went to Billy's & put away his clean laundry, plus I scrubbed down his bathroom and got the last few loads of his dirty laundry. I've just finished washing the last load of his laundry, and the second to last is in the dryer... sigh.

Oh, forgot to mention I was cleaning for Billy cuz he went into the hospital and had been so sick his apt. was a WRECK!!!

So... I'm hoping that by the time I'm done folding this last load of his laundry, they'll release him and I can pick him up from the hospital, too... but maybe that's too much to hope for.

OMG! I can't believe it's been so long since I posted here! I guess I've just been so busy with school, it's completely slipped my mind!

SOOOOOO much has happened since the last post... we went to boy scouts, we stopped going, on Sarah's birthday we went to the zoo... Joey bitched all day, but they all got bags of free candy & stuff cuz of some Halloween promotion...

The following Saturday I think was the Web Club at school... it was interesting...

The car has a BLOWN HEAD GASKET (READ $$$$$$$$) AND MAYBE A CRACKED BLOCK TOO, because Bob didn't see fit to go get the damn thing fixed when it began to overheat... just kept on putting water in. Now we may be buying Buddy's black Lincoln from across the street...

Etc. etc. and so on. It's been a pretty good Thanksgiving, I can't complain (now) but of course I was bitchy earlier when I was cooking!

I have a ton of laundry to fold/wash etc. so I guess I'd better just bookmark this site on my IMPORTANT list and make sure I get here on a more regular basis again!

She finally went out the door... after being insufferably nasty to me.

I am sooooooooooo exhausted!

If Sarah doesn't get a move on, she's going to miss the bus today.

I gave up and drove the car yesterday. I'm glad I don't have school today.

I read the wrong day's selection on Wednesday, then had to read the right one. On the positive side of that, I've read what I need to for Tuesday, so now all I need to do is study for the quiz.

I'm getting very tired. Walking to and from the bus stop with a heavy backpack is exhausting... and apparently the car's not going to be repaired for ANOTHER week. They want it dropped off on a Monday or Tuesday... who cares what they want? It is ridiculous that we should be inconvenienced like this. We are not the ones who wrecked our car... we were rear-ended... the victims in the situation. They say the car is driveable, but with a taillight out I don't want to risk getting a ticket.

Frankie is treating me like dirt, and I'm tired of it. His girlfriend has become the center of his universe, and when I tell him to do something or not to do something, he just waits 'til I go to school then does as he pleases because he knows his father will let him do whatever he wants. This causes further tension between Bob and myself as I think he's entirely too lenient and permissive (read "doormat") and it just makes me sick. Divorce wouldn't help either, because then he would have even MORE license to spoil them when it was his turn to have them. Back to the old statement: I'd rather be a widow than a divorcee...

Today is going to be a tough one. I'm going to have to ride the bus to school for the first time, and I'm nervous about getting to school on time. I'll be glad when this day is over. I wonder how long it'll be before our car is fixed.

It started out this morning, when I got upset because my husband stated the intent to take my son to get his learner's permit (for driving) Without consulting with me, and against my wishes... As it will add $250/month to our car insurance cost... for Frank to practice driving, he has to be on our insurance policy.
So THEN we went to the cub scout picnic, and on the way, Joanna (Frank's girlfriend) who came to help transport us all, cuz we don't all fit in our car... hit us (we had a car accident) So now our taillight is broken and the trunk of the car won't close.
I think Sarah (my oldest daughter) and I have whiplash, but I'm waiting 'til we've slept a night before going to have it checked out, because sometimes if they check you out too soon nothing shows up.
Well, the GOOD part is, now Frank is committed to getting a job to pay his own share of the car insurance rather than ME having to get a job and leave the baby for 12 hours a day (8 to work, 4 for school... plus more for travel time, really...)
I'm still not certain we'll get by without me getting a job soon... I don't know if we'll have to pay a deductable to have our car repaired, or if that will all be covered by Joanna's policy...
We need $48 for the boys' photo packages, and Sarah wants us to get pizza for her class for her presentation on the same day as the boys school pictures... so that'll be another $30 or so...
It (the car accident) was Joanna's fault. I stopped to let oncoming traffic enter the expressway ahead of us, and she thought I was going to go ahead and jump in front of them (perhaps because that's what SHE would have done?) Which makes me concerned about Frank driving around with her... I had already previously noted her tendency to speed...
I am really stressed out tonight :-(

Badddddddddddddddddddddddddd day.

I have so much to do today, and all I want to do is go back to bed. I have a dental checkup at 10 am, and a mountain of laundry... not to mention dishes... the rest of the house is a mess, too. Plus I need to do some reading for school. But I'll take it all in stride. After the dentist, I'd like to get a nap before I start trying to do anything else, but I can only do that if the baby will lie down with me.

Okay. She FINALLY got up... but she's being nasty to me. : (

It is SO hard to get Sarah up in the morning... even if she's had a nap after school the day before!

I am enjoying school, but I'm glad it's only four days a week. I'm exhausted!

My first day of school went well... Selena didn't seem to miss me a bit. We'll see how she acts by the fourth day...

Selena just woke up, so I'd better start closing windows to log off. My time is up.

NOW I'm trying to quit smoking so we can afford DSL without getting rid of my prized second phone line... we can't afford to unless I quit smoking. Plus, I'd like to be free of that slavery anyway...

On the plus side of it, I AM glad to be in a cooler bedroom!

Last weekend we switched bedrooms with the boys... lot of work. Glad we don't have to do THAT every day!

It's so quiet here right now, I could almost believe I like it here. Unfortunately, I know that will be short-lived...

I'm feeling very lazy today, and I know I need to get up off my ass and get some things done, but I really just don't feel like it. I bet I'll be sorry...

I start school tomorrow. I'm very nervous about it. I hope I haven't made a huge mistake in committing to a 2-year degree program!

I am not patient enough to be a teacher. I don't think I'm ever going to go back to homeschooling again unless there is very good reason to do so.

Timmy annoys me asking stupid questions to get his homework done. Most of them are things he could figure out for himself if he would think first before jumping to ask for someone's help.

I knew it. Selena's already awake. Frank laughed at the tv in there and woke her up before she was even asleep for ten minutes. Sigh. My life sux sometimes.

I am DREADING the "switch" this weekend... Bob & I are switching rooms with the boys because Frank is soon going to have two computers and there is no room for them in the boys' current room. Also, the room the boys are in now is cooler than the converted garage which currently serves as the master bedroom. Plus the converted garage has no closet, and the closet is wasted on the boys... they just had it all piled up with junk & never used it.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh it's quiet here for a moment now. I just got the baby down for a nap, and although she SHOULD take a two hour nap, she probably won't, so I'm gonna make the best of it. Timmy's at the table doing his homework, Sarah's still eating some spaghetti, and I don't know about Joey, but I assume he's doing his homework in the bedroom or I would've heard about it from Frank by now.

The boys are making me miserable. Timmy won't listen to Joey after school, and Joe gets frustrated and goes on ahead without him... today Timmy didn't cross at the crossing guard... so I guess I'm gonna have to go back to walking down to pick 'em up every day.

On the bright side, Selena seems to be learning to amuse herself for short periods of time. Right now she's unloading the "little people" from a box... uh oh... spoke too soon... now she's next to me banging on my chair with a plastic spoon she found on the floor!

Neverending adjustments... sigh. Well, we had a nice long weekend, since the younger kids had Yom Kippur off from school. Timmy got hurt last night, but he didn't hesitate to get up and go to school today. What a little trooper! So far they have been doing quite well in school. On Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday of last week I went to breakfast with Sarah. That was rough... being ready and leaving here at 6:30 am, but we managed! On Thursday we even took Selena along. Free food... yay!

On Saturday, however, the car broke down, and it's still broken down at the church where I had gone to pick up Joe after he had an outing with the church group. I think it's the linkage in the gear shift... preliminary estimate is $500 for a 5-hour repair... IF that's really what the problem is. I think Bob's gonna have it towed to a shop on Wednesday, and plan to pick it up/pay for it on Thursday when he's gotten paid. Sigh again... it's always something!!!

The baby's sleeping, but fitfully, as she's got a cold/cough. She has an appointment for a checkup on Tuesday, but I don't think she'll be getting her shots if she's still sick.

I enrolled in a webmaster course at the college Frank's attending today. He is taking the network engineering course. It will take me two years to earn an associate degree. I hope I do well with it!

Well, it's off to another hectic day...

I have to get up at 4:30 am to get Sarah up in time to go to her bus stop... and she barely gets out of here on time. Today she was halfway there and came back because she'd forgotten to get lunch money from me!

Damn! These days I don't know whether I'm coming or going half the time... but so far the kids are doing well in school, and I'm trying to enroll in a web design/webmaster course myself. Wish me luck!

Well, so far so good... but it's only the first day. I got up at 5 am and got them off to school, but it's going to take a while before I adjust to this routine...

I know, I know, I said I didn't want 'em in school, but I need a break. The baby's gotten very demanding, and they WANT to go to school SO badly... I figure it can't hurt to let 'em go for a while. Maybe I can even get a part time job and earn a little dough?

Well, mission accomplished. Today was a tough day, but I made it through it. I had to go have a test for carpal tunnel syndrome... and I took my two youngest boys along because on the way back we went for their certified teacher evaluations so that they can be placed properly in (gasp... dare I say it?) school.

We went to the park (Greynolds Park) today. It was SO hot! I forgot to put my hair up... by the time we left I was DRIPPING! I gotta remember to put my hair up and wear a cutoff sleeveless shirt next time!

Ken Brevett called today... I haven't heard much from him in ages. He found me online by doing a web search on his own name, which he found on my song explanations page, where I mentioned that he had asked me to write a song about brotherhood, and the result was my song "Family". After he emailed me the first time, I got a second email from him, then today he called. He said he's going to come by here and visit next Saturday. I hope so! It will be nice to see him!

Bob just left for work... but tomorrow night and Saturday night he's off. We are SO broke! I think I had better find some work, unless God grants us a complete miracle in our finances!

I let Frankie go out of town today with his girlfriend on a church-sponsored trip to Universal's "Islands of Adventure". I hope Jo (his gf) took her camera along! They should be back in Hollywood in about an hour, and hopefully home not too long after that.

I haven't been getting online very much lately... I mean, I usually get on every day, but only for an hour or so, not enough time to keep up.

I think I'm gonna write that song I've been thinking about for years... "I'd rather be a widow than a divocee" (if he drops dead, don't look at me)

I'm also sick of the way Bob hogs the bed so that I have to wake him up if I want to get into it. If I wake him up, he wants to hold onto me like a teddy bear, and frankly, I can't stand that. I wish he worked 7 days a week, sometimes, just so I could go to bed at night and sleep.

Frank's FINALLY getting around to mopping the floors tonight... so I suppose I'm in his way... oh well. I'm not real happy about still being up, either.

Once again, Bob's off work in the middle of the week... and we're broke. What pisses me off is that they called and said he could come into work tonight if he wanted to and he said no.

Wow... I haven't been here in a while. Good sign how out of control my life has gotten... ugh.

I didn't get online at all yesterday... it was such a busy day! We went to church, then I had a lot to do to get Joey off to camp... plus I cooked twice. Today I had to get up early to get Joey off to camp, and I don't feel like doing my housework, so I'm avoiding it by being online. Surprise, surprise...

The baby is very demanding, and I haven't been feeling well lately, either.

I am having a hard time getting online for any length of time lately... gotta make some changes soon!

I hate it when he's online all night long, then still hangs out on the computer in the morning, playing stupid games. In fact, I hate relinquishing the computer to any of the rest of my family members, because all ANY of them do is play stupid games. What a waste of time. Meanwhile, I never have time to catch up on all my email.

I'll be glad when Bob goes back to work.

The whole family is getting on my nerves... they were all in the living room, except for Sarah... making noise, so I couldn't concentrate to read... now they've finally all dissipated.

Still working on getting over the cough, and sniffling a bit... but I think Selena's all better.

I'm still not feeling very well, either, which doesn't help. Plus, Bob's off work, now, 'til next Wednesday, and I can't stand it when he's off work. Hopefully he'll do more than sit on the computer all night every night...

Lousy night... baby woke up in the middle of the night and did NOT want to go back to sleep! Now Bob has taken Joe, Tim, and her to Young Circle Park to see a parade, and I've put in potatoes to bake to go with the steaks we're supposed to be grilling for lunch. Dunno when Bob will actually get back, though...

Still sick, still rainy... oh well. No MAJOR disasters around here, anyway, just the usual slow decay...

I'm getting too stressed out. I feel like I'm gonna have a heart attack or stroke... getting too fat, still smoking Camel Filters, and not getting any exercise... ugh. I hate myself when I get like this!!!

It's been raining all day, and it's been a helluva day. Bob went out this morning to dry the laundry I washed, but he forgot one of the loads so I had to get Frank to take it to his girlfriend's house and dry it. The kids are all stir crazy and driving me nuts... I wish I could go out, but even if I could think of a good excuse to just go on out and enjoy myself, I look like hell cuz I'm still getting over this head cold, and I've got no money to spend.

I hope I get out of this rut and come to a point where I have something more interesting than my boring humdrum daily existence to write about, soon!

I caught the cold that Sarah and the baby had... Sarah's over it, the baby's ALMOST over it... and I'm sick as a dog. Go figure. I'm glad THEY'RE feeling better, though!

We went to church last night. We got there late, but we made it... then when we got home I had to wake Bob up to let us in cuz my house key was not on the keychain with my car key... but I put it on as soon as we got in so it won't happen again!

Bob decided we can't afford a dryer right now. I'm bummed. : (

Took Sarah and Selena to the doctor today. Selena got a vaccine, Sarah a recheck on her lungs. Doc says he wants to see Sarah back in a month, and if she continues to improve like she has been, at that time he'll discontinue all her meds.

Another day... not much going on here. Just the usual humdrum existence. Sigh.

Frank is at Joanna's house painting the kitchen. He'll be home in another hour or so... I hope he's not too tired to be of some help when he gets here!

He's playing with her and being loud again. C'est la vie...

Now he's dumped her, and she still wants to play with him...

Now Timmy is attempting to amuse his baby sister... and it's hard to let him, cuz in amusing HER he's being very noisy and annoying!

It's been an especially rough day today. We managed to get to church, but while I was there I hurt my back, trying to pick Selena up. Then while I was in bed trying to rest my back, the baby fell off the couch and hit her head. : (

On the way up there was a huge accident, and apparently on the way back, too. We waited through the whole traffic jam on the way up, but on the way back managed to escape it.

Bob and I went to the drive-in last night and saw "Windtalkers". It was pretty good. Last time we went to the drive-in we saw "We Were Soldiers". Interesting... LOL

Was gonna say a bit, but it's getting crazy here. Better luck next time?

Frank is being lazy about doing work people ask him to do, and it's irritating to me, because I have no income, and want him to be grateful he has an opportunity to put some money in his pocket.

I let Sarah spend the night at Ashley's last night and she still hasn't come home yet. I wonder if she's even woken up yet? She gives me the hardest time... I'm not looking forward to getting her up for school in a couple months.

Timmy didn't understand what he was supposed to be doing, and he couldn't comprehend my explanation, either. Finally, I asked Joey to explain it to him. Now they're getting along... wish it were always like that!

Now stupid waol has kicked me offline, so I gotta find what I was looking at before it happened. Aaaargh!

On the other hand, the evenings are going to be difficult, as I know they're going to resist doing their homework.

I think I'm going to enjoy having the kids in school during the day when they go this fall... but not sure yet. It's a lot of work to get them ready & get them there... I have to get up at about 4:45 am to get Sarah up so she can be at the bus stop before 6... then I have to leave here at 7 with the boys to get them to school in time for breakfast. ALL of them want to eat breakfast at school... which is fine, since we qualify for free breakfast, why not? Saves us some money, time, and effort...

My, where on earth does the time go? Whew! Took Frank to BCC yesterday, to investigate whether or not he's really interested in going to COLLEGE as opposed to TECHNICAL SCHOOL. He is supposed to go tonight, to an orientation at Sheridan Vo-Tech to learn more about that... time will tell.

Managed to get to church & help out with the nursery today... there were two little girls in there who really liked me... but then they brought Selena over cuz she was fussy, and I had to go change/nurse her... and when I left to do that, the two little girls, Madison and Alexis, started crying as if I were their mommy... it was so endearing/heartbreaking!

I'm so happy to have some peaceful quiet time all to myself... while the baby sleeps and everyone else is gone. I wish I could have this on a regular basis, but a little is better than none at all!!!

Oh yeah... I never did get around to telling about my birthday, did I? Let's see. Bob got me some clothes from the kids, and Frank bought me 5 of my favorite candy bar (available only at our local Target store)

We all went out to eat at Denny's, with a little help from Frank's girlfriend, Joanne, since we don't all fit in the car together at one time... then we all (also with Joanne) went to the movies to see "Spirit". It was the nicest birthday I've had in years. Oh, and the best part... Jo backed me a chocolate birthday cake with chocolate chips in the frosting... yummy!

Rain rain rain... it's pouring down outside. Sarah had wanted to go to the beach this morning, but the weather was already bad. Bob and I still haven't gone out for our anniversary, which was the 5th... last night we were going to, but by the time he was ready it was too late and I was too tired, plus the baby wouldn't settle down. So he and Frankie went out to shoot pool instead.

Now they're all at the movies... Frankie took Bob and the other kids to see "Attack of the Clones" as his Father's Day gift to his dad... I was invited, but declined since Selena didn't exactly sit well through the movie on my birthday.

sharing a candy bar with Selena... she's fat & sassy! over 20 lbs, now

Sigh. Sarah just yelled to tell me the baby wants me... I had left her in her crib after changing her diaper... 5 minutes of peace. Coulda had 2 hours if I had only changed her diaper BEFORE nursing her!!!

So far so good... I think they're all watching cartoons.

I just nursed the baby to sleep... then noticed the odor coming from her diaper... had to change her, which meant waking her up. Damn! I wish I'd changed her before nursing her... but didn't realize she was poopy then...

Okay. I got the boys done with their homeschooling for today, and I'm giving 'em tomorrow off for flag day... since there are no other holidays in June to let 'em off for...

I fed everyone tacos, with a little help from Frank and his gf, Joanna...

I let them have their candy (dessert) then told them to clean their rooms, now they're all quiet cuz they're afraid I'll check and see that their rooms are not satisfactorily clean, LOL

I think Joey's biggest problem is that he won't ask for help when he needs it. He spends too much time paying attention to what other people are doing, and not enough attention to what he should be doing.

Joey is still not comprehending some of his work. However, I think they'll go over that in school... it's stuff that a lot of kids don't understand at his age, so I think it'll be okay.

I hope I can get the boys ready for school by the time it starts. They will be hard-pressed to fit into their grade levels...

It serves me right for having been so lazy about their homeschooling for so long!

Selena is getting to be very hard to handle... since she's mobile, she wants to get into everything, and requires constant supervision. I'd be afraid to leave for any length of time, because I don't think anyone else will keep her out of trouble.

I tried to log in here yesterday, but couldn't. I can't believe how hard it is lately for me to keep up online!

wow... it seems like I never have the time or energy to say much here... what a bummer

Today is a hard one already... hope it improves later!

I had a great birthday yesterday... but I'm too tired to tell about it, just as I was when I finally logged on last night. Maybe tomorrow...

Gonna log off

Shit. She's already awakened.

Well... a few more hours and I'll be 37 years old. Whoo hoo!

Just got done bathing her, nursing her, and getting her to bed. Hope she doesn't wake back up any time soon...

Baby's awake... time to bathe her!

I let Frank go out with Joanna today to TY park, and told him that he didn't have permission to stay out 'til 10pm, but didn't tell him when I DID expect him home... my bet is he'll show up at 9:30.

I see I'm going to have to hit the "post & publish" button from now on, instead of ctrl+enter, or it posts but doesn't publish.

She's sleeping now... wonder how long that'll last. Sarah hurt herself... cut her wrist while the kids were moving a board at a neighbor's house looking for lizards. I hope it's okay... don't wanna make a trip to the ER.

Baby's getting fussy too... so all signs point to logging off. : (

I'm gonna have to log off soon to do housework... but at least I made it here to say SOMETHING today...

I've continued to pass out flyers with Frankie's lawn service on one side and my errand service on the other side. So far no one is calling for my errand service, but there are plenty of people calling for Frankie. Oh well. At least one of us is getting some work!

We didn't go to church today. I had trouble sleeping last night... and Sarah wouldn't take her bath (as usual) plus she stayed up too late. Frank stayed out in the driveway with Joanna 'til after midnight... and when I woke up this morning and finally got out of bed, everyone, including Bob, was asleep... he in the reclining chair in Sarah's room. I'm tired of trying to get everyone to do things they don't want to do... on the other hand, without a leader, these guys will just wander around bline. God give me strength!!!

Ahhhh finally finished my salad... baby's still going... like the energizer bunny!

Would you believe I'm still working on the salad?

I got Bob to take her so I can finish my salad...

Back to nursing her again now... so much for trying to eat my salad!

Joey had her. He just brought her in saying the bugs were gonna eat her up. It poured down rain last night, so there are puddles everywhere... but they're rapidly drying up in the 85 degree heat.

As soon as I stood up to put her down, she woke up. So I fed her lunch... and now I don't know who has her. Sarah took her out of the high chair, and I think she passed her off to Frankie. I'm glad for the break!

Ahhhh... she's asleep! Now if I can just put her down without waking her up!

Still nursing... boy can she ever take a long time to fall asleep!

Now I'm nursing the baby yet again (as usual) and hoping she'll go down for a nice nap?

I am still irritable, but I played frisbee with the kids yesterday, and that seems to have helped the wrist... musta snapped something back into place?

I feel like a big ole pile of shit right now.

I blew up at my family at lunchtime today. I know it's psychotic... but I feel helpless to change.

The chronic pain is making me suicidal. I wish I could have just ONE pain-free day!!!

I'm having an absolutely miserable day. My birthday's on Monday, and I miss my mother so badly around this time... it sux.

Someone stepped in front of a train tonight. I knew someone who did that 11 years ago... what a horrible way to die.

Baby's asleep for now... but I know she's gonna get up in the middle of the night. I need to start putting her back in her crib instead of being lazy and keeping her in bed with me. Keeping her in bed with me means she keeps nursing all night through... and keeping me awake, as each time she wakes up and wants to nurse she wakes me up!

The kids want to go to church Saturday night for some kinda fun night thing. I hope we can get 'em there!

I'm online again, 'til my husband gets up for the night. He's off work tonight because of the holiday. Waiting for him to get up gives me an excuse to try and get caught up again, as I'm currently falling behind...

If the baby doesn't stop waking during the night I'm gonna lose my mind. Ugh!

I just made a "friend test". Curious to see how folks will do on it... http://sistersunshine.friendtest.com

I think I'm about to get stuck with the baby.

Time for another cigarette. Something else I need to give up.

We went to church today... but I'm not getting enough done. I did sweep the kitchen and living room, and put a load of laundry in today... gotta get offline and get some more stuff done soon!!!

Baby's fussing already, so I suppose I should log off and tend to her. I waited all day to get online, but, oh well!!!

Another boring day... not even worth writing about. I did watch a fairly interesting movie this afternoon, though... "Powder".

Sarah's on the phone with Jodi... the little girl who used to live next door.

It's time for Sarah to take her bath, but she's not doing it...

Bob just got up for work, so I guess I can go to bed now...

I'm having a rough time... I'm glad I'm going to the orthopedic surgeon on Tuesday... just not sure what he's gonna be able to do. the pain is really wearing me down, though!

Well, the baby went to bed at 7 last night, so she was up at 5 am and wouldn't go back to sleep. I just now got her to go back to bed... so I think I'm gonna log off and snooze for another hour or two...

I woke up this morning with my arm aching so badly I could hardly stand it! I'm glad I called the doc yesterday to request a referral to the orthopedic surgeon!

I guess I'd better log off soon and get some housework done... although I've been terribly lax this week with my sore arm and all. If I don't get going on it it'll just end up one big fat mess. Gotta at least sweep the floors so that when the baby goes crawling around she's not a human dustmop.

Right now it always seems like one step forward and two steps back!

I will be so happy when the day comes that I can get more accomplished around here!

Wow... been a few days since I made it here!

Also as usual, the baby is demanding my attention, so it's about time for me to log off and tend to her.

As usual, the weekend's been rough... and the weather's all rainy and icky. I haven't been to church for 3 weeks now... and not sure if I want to keep going where we have been. Decisions, decisions!

Bob also took Sarah for her recheck at the doctor's office. He is supposed to make sure the ear wax gets cleaned out of her ear... as well as stop at Eckerd's to pick up her prescription for Zyrtec. We'll see if he does or doesn't...

Another day... sigh. Bob went to work last night only to do maintenance so he could get a 40 hour paycheck, but he didn't work a full eight hours, so his check still won't be for forty hours. Then when he came home he just sat on the computer 'til everyone started getting up, and went out to the store to get bread... then cooked breakfast. That was nice, but I wish he'd done it a bit earlier, rather than waiting... and delaying the start of my homeschooling efforts.

He also swept the floor, but not very well, as when I put the baby down on it she still got pretty dirty. Sigh. I am so tired of feeling like if anything is to be done right I'll have to do it myself. There is only one of me and too much for one person to do. : (

I hope the baby gets back to sleeping through the night again soon. I need to get back to getting up at 5 am. That is hard to do if the baby wakes up before then, however.

Today seems to be running a bit smoother than most so far... (think positive, Lydia) it helps that I'm not watching the soaps... they eat up a huge chunk of my daily time.

Oh well. Time to bathe the baby and drop into bed for another night of strange and disturbing dreams...

I'm so stressed out... and I don't know what I can do about it. I don't have any money to go anywhere or do anything. Nothing I do seems fulfilling anymore. It's all just one big long boring blur.

I've gotta bathe the baby soon. She hasn't had a bath in 3 days cuz I nursed her at bathtime and she fell asleep.

Another crazy day. I've been in so much pain today I can hardly stand it!

Well, I'd better go. Maybe I'll get to come back and write some more later, but my life is pretty boring right now anyway.

Frank's getting tired of holding the baby... so I guess I'd better go fold my laundry before he dumps her back on me!

Nothing much changes around here, a little more work, a little less work... I've been in a lot of pain lately, but I'm not willing to go to the doctor about it yet.

I'm gonna have to log off and get some housework done. The kids need a little prompting on their schoolwork, too. I hope I can get back in the groove of getting up at 5 am again soon!

Seems like I'm only getting here every other day. I'm surprised I managed to get here today!

Well... the baby's awake, and I hear some suspicious screaming outside...

Yesterday a neighbor had a birthday party for her two year old. They had ponies brought over for the kids to ride. Today is another neighbor child's 10th birthday, and we've all been invited over for pizza... but we just ate steak a little while ago.

Baby's gonna wake up from her nap soon, then I'm gonna have to give up on what I'm doing...

Bob's getting ready for work, now... he has to go in early tonight.

Joanna just brought over a few disks with pics her mom shot of her and Frankie last night before they went to the prom. I'm gonna upload some of 'em to my fan club and other club(s) I belong to.

Didn't get here yesterday... baby was making it hard for me to stay online.

Kids didn't really make it much of a Mother's Day. I'm kinda disappointed. Oh well. That's life.

Why is it that every time I sign into Blogger the baby wakes up? Oh well. It's been a long hard day, and it ain't over yet!!!

Time to get offline soon, and get some "real world" work done!

Bob's got the baby now... just changed her diaper so she's good to go for a little while.

Now I'm nursing the baby, and typing one-handed. I seem to do that a lot.

Bob's home now, too... but he hasn't come in yet.

Uh oh... I just got here, but baby's waking up now. : (

My back hurts... gotta get back to getting some exercise. It's hard to do with the baby always demanding my attention. But nothing worthwhile is ever easy, eh?

Bob and Sarah are leaving for the grocery now... time to get Joey started on his lessons.

My grief recovery group has been cancelled. Oh well... c'est la vie... so much for "getting help". At least I bought the book... I'll finish reading it on my own, but not sure how much help it'll be without the class.

Sarah and Joe are playing chess at the table... when Bob leaves for the grocery and takes Sarah with him, I'll get Joe started on his homeschool work. He's been doing okay, but he balks at some of the writing work.

Baby let me sleep more last night, but only because I kept her in bed with me from about 3am onward. Kept a tight grip on her cuz I was afraid of her falling out of the bed again. She's still feverish. I'm trying to get as caught up on email, etc. as I can, so I can devote the rest of the day to housework.

On a positive note, I'm almost caught up with my email to the degree that it'll be much easier to get through each day's reading because I won't have any backlog to go through. If I do it by next weekend that'll make a nice Mother's Day present for myself... cuz then I'll feel free to spend the day enjoying my kids, knowing that nothing pressing (other than housework) awaits me.

I hate it when I'm not well-rested... can't think clearly, and don't get much done cuz my energy level is zilch.

Trying to get the kids to do their homeschooling after the baby kept me up all night then fell out of bed when I couldn't stay awake nursing her any more is a bitch! Baby's got a bump on her head but seems to be okay otherwise...

I know my time is running out, and the baby will be waking up any time now. I guess I'd better start closing windows and getting ready to log off.

The kids' rabbits are always amusing... Timmy's "thumps" at strange times, making one wonder what on earth he could be thinking.

I've been trying very hard to get my email under control... almost there.

Well, so far so good today... managed to get up at 5am... but I'm sleepy! And sneezy, too. Can't take Benadryl and go back to bed, either, since I have to homeschool the kids and take a bath to take Sarah to the doctor's at noon. She's had a cough for a month or more, and if Timmy doesn't stop coughing, he'll be next!

Nursing the baby now, and typing one-handed...

I've got to take Sarah to the doctor... her cough is not improving. However, Bob's on jury duty this week, so I can't make the appointment for her 'til he's done and I know I'll have the car to take her.

Didn't make it here yesterday. Yesterday was a day from hell... I didn't feel good, but had to take care of the baby, etc. Glad it's over.

Got the kids working on their homeschooling work right now... Joe's reading and Timmy's doing workbooks. After lunch I'm going to have Joey do some computer work.

Well, it's almost time to make them all come in... so I better enjoy my silent house while I can. I love it!

It is very peaceful here at the moment, but I suspect that's about to change, as sundown is less than an hour away, and the kids will be coming in. Right now they have Selena outside in her bouncer watching them play "hacky sack tennis" in the street.

I think I have the cold that the baby does, but a milder version... don't feel all that great, but not as bad as she obviously does.

My daughter, Sarah, made devilled eggs yesterday evening, and they got eaten up fairly quickly. Later on I made Kielbasa and Cabbage, which is a favorite of Frank and Joey's, but the other kids don't like it.

I got a lot more than usual done yesterday... washed & dried all the laundry that was in the hamper before sundown, although I didn't get it all folded or put away... also washed all the dishes that were in the sink before sundown, so that the sink doesn't fill up quite as badly today. PLUS I actually swept the house from the kitchen to the hallway... something that should be done daily, or at least 3-4 times a week... but seldom gets done.

Selena has a cold... she's all snotty and miserable. Poor thing. And Sarah's cough has gotten worse again, so I'm suspecting that she also has this cold on top of the cough she never got over from before. After she's been on the allergy medicine for a week (Tuesday) if she's still coughing, I'm making an appointment for her to see the doctor.

As usual, being up too early sux. I gave up on the diet/exercise thing 'til I'm through nursing the baby so I can take supplements that I can't take while I'm breastfeeding. I know... excuses excuses...

I went back to bed at 6am yesterday and didn't get up 'til 9. Since I've started a new diet/exercise program, I'm caffeine-deprived... can hardly stay awake.

This getting up at 5am is really wearing me down. I don't see how people manage to survive with chronic sleep deprivation!

He just went back to bed. I'm going to log off at around 7 to prepare homeschool work for them.

Joey just got up and is eating cereal at the table. He got very frustrated trying to do the homework those shlubs gave him yesterday... it was really foolish of me to try and put him in school so close to the end of the year.

Here is a list I made:
Reasons to NOT have the kids in school: 1. Lice 2. Illness 3. bad habits learned from other kids 4. We have to work just as hard with them on their homework as we do homeschooling them 5. Timmy's not ready, and Joey's easily frustrated 6. The boys' glasses (easily lost, stolen, or broken, and expensive to replace) 7. school clothes to buy 8. school supplies need to constantly be replenished because they lose them 9. it feels wrong 10. the attitude of the teachers and staff 11. they learn the values of their peers, teachers, the school system, and the government rather than ours - values that may be diametrically opposed to our own.
Reasons to have the kids in school: 1. make friends 2. we don't have to teach them (which isn't really true (see #4 above) 3. OTHER PEOPLE think we should
So, that's my rationale. I had more than three times as many cons as pros.

Well... putting the boys in school was a disaster. The school was not prepared to place them appropriately, and I am going to call today to tell them I've reconsidered and will not be bringing them back.

So far so good... I managed to get up when I intended to, although Selena didn't go back to sleep after nursing as easily as usual...

Got the boys up and dressed, and soon I'll log off to dress, prepare lunch for the picky one, and get them off to school to be tested and put in class. I'll be glad when it's all over!

Today has been really rough, and tomorrow promises to be even rougher. Oh me oh my...

Frankie is sharing some papaya baby food with Selena right now. He likes the guava stuff.

I had the baby asleep on my shoulder just now, but when I tried to get up and take her to her crib she woke up.

Timmy's heating his frozen bagel for 55 seconds in the microwave... he likes 'em rubbery.

My ten-year-old is outside screaming, just for fun... I had to tell Frankie to make him come in. Now he's having a fit because he has to come in.

We have the water to the solar panel shut down, now, so it's not leaking all over the place any more.

The solar hot water heater has some major problems... dunno when we'll ever get it fixed.

wow... I'm really slipping, here! been a few days since I dropped in...

We have been trying and trying to get someone to come and repair our solar panel (to our hot water heater) it's leaking a LOT of water, and I'm afraid the city is going to come and cite us for all the wasted water. We've been using buckets to catch as much as we can for the garden and mango tree... but there's still a hideous amount of waste going on. : (

I got the baby down for a short nap, but not sure how long I can expect that to last...

Now I'm nursing her and typing with one hand.

The baby's getting fussy so my time online is running out I'm afraid.

Well, I probably shouldn't be sitting here typing right now, but I am.

I just got here, but I've got to leave... oh look... I didn't make it here yesterday at all! My oh me. Well... Timmy is waiting for me because he wants me to watch a movie with him. So... TA!

Uh oh... here comes Timmy. I hope Joey will keep her occupied now...

I just caught a break... put the baby and her bouncer out back under the tree for a while to play with Timmy, who can't go anywhere due to being grounded. Just gotta make sure that he doesn't pick up any rocks, and that the sun doesn't creep up and burn her!

It is hard to go online at any time other than early morning, before anyone is up. Right now I have far too many distractions!

My youngest son, Timmy is grounded again... this time for throwing rocks, one of which hit a neighbor child in the head!

Saturdays stress me out... lol

Oh well, guess it's about time to wrap things up here and log off before the baby wakes up again.

Getting up early and going online is the only way I get caught up, and it seems like just when I am making headway, my husband is off work and my morning routine is disrupted... so it's always one step forward and two steps back. Of course, soon I'll be putting two of my kids in school, and getting them ready in the morning is going to eat into my online time, so I'm not sure how that'll all work out, either.

Oops! I didn't make it here yesterday! I'll be lucky to make it her tomorrow or Sunday, too... but I'll try. My husband just ended a week's vacation, went to work one night and got off early (work ran out) so he's off for another two nights. I guess I sound like a bitch saying so, but I hate it when he's off work.

He finally, and begrudgingly, left for the store. I bet he doesn't get everything on the list...

Bob's acting all pissy now. Jeez

The baby is fussy... trying to get her to settle down, but that's a difficult task lately since she's been teething.

I'm tired of being housebound already, but still too sore to think about going anywhere. : ( My husband is loading the dishwasher now. I don't know why he bothers... he always runs it on a light cycle so the dishes don't even get clean... then he wonders why, and complains that after spending all that money the dishwasher doesn't work. Well, it works fine for me, but I use a longer cycle! Plus I don't like the liquid detergent... the gritty stuff cleans better. C'est la vie. I'd rather keep my mouth shut and let him be stupid. At least he's wearing himself out... then he'll go to bed and sleep 'til after I've gone to bed tonight. Thank God he's going back to work tomorrow. I hate it when he's off work... it distrupts my routine. I want him to go to the damn store now, but he's resisting. Sigh. Oh well.

Baby got up at 5, and I got her back to bed at 6... which is when I got up... in PAIN!!! I am out of Percocet... but if I don't feel better I'm going to the doctor, and mayebe they'll prescribe me something to last a few more days.

I guess I'm going to have to log off pretty soon so I can get some more housework, etc. done...

Trying to get things done... I guess I'm doing pretty good considering how bad I feel!

I'm still in pain from the injuries I received at the skating rink last night... and the Percocets are almost gone. : (

Damn! I wish these Percocets didn't make me sooooooooooooo queasy!

I am really glad now that I got my tooth pulled a couple days ago and had been sparing with the Percocets... I really need them for the pain from the injuries I received tonight!!!

This morning we went to my sister-in-law's church, and I think we're going to keep going there. The other church was one I had attended years ago, but I didn't feel like I belonged there any more... and my husband seems happier with the one we went to today. The kids couldn't care less where we go, as long as we go. (They love it)

The whole family went to the skating rink this evening and had a great time. I fell down and got hurt, but at least I made it 2/3 of the way through the evening before it happened!

It's quiet right now, cuz the baby's napping. But I can't count on that to last much longer...

Waiting 'til 8 to take another Percocet is killing me. I think I'm gonna go ahead and take it now.

My soap opera updates from smart reminders haven't come for two days now... and for the first three days this week my classic novels in five minutes a day didn't come. Wonder what's up with that? They come from two different sites!

The Percocets make me so sleepy. I think I WILL go to bed early tonight.

I'm not feeling so very well... got another hour before it's time to take another painkiller... and I think I'll take another antibiotic then as well. Maybe I'll go to bed early tonight.

All the kids are outside right now and it's so peaceful in here... even though the tv is on, the birds are chirping, and the washing machine is running...

I got a wisdom tooth out today. I was only expecting to have a consultation... so I really wasn't mentally prepared. I'm in pain now, but more where they stuck the needle in with the novacaine than where the tooth was actually pulled from, although that hurts as well. I'm on Percocet... so I can only IMAGINE how much it would be hurting if I weren't on painkillers.

Oh dear... I logged in here and then had to go do other things... never said anything!

I promised to take Joey to the store for his present, since I asked him if he'd rather I bought him something and wrapped it up for him to open or take him shopping, and he chose shopping. Not sure if we'll go this morning or afternoon.

Today is Joey's 10th birthday. He is eager to open his presents, but I told him I want him to wait 'til his father comes home and all of his siblings are up.

When the baby got me up at 5:30 this morning, I discovered that Frank was online and had been on since 1 am, when Sarah got off. So I asked him to log off and let me go on, as well as take out the garbage and recycling... and to get to bed at a reasonable hour tonight because I need him to babysit tomorrow when his dad takes me to see the oral surgeon about my wisdom tooth removal.

Well, hello and goodbye. Just stopping by to be as consistent as possible, but things are too hectic so I'm not going to say much of anything. Better luck tomorrow.

It's been a long hard day, as usual... but I wanted to mention that we got the movie "The Omega Code" from the library, and it was very good. I'd highly recommend it to anyone.

Time to put the chicken in the oven. Oops! I was supposed to do that an hour ago!!!

The kids just woke up the baby... 20 minutes shy of the one hour nap I was hoping for. : (

I've gotten my aol email down to under 150... but the clubs/groups I'm in at yahoo keep adding 50 a day. Sigh.

I can't be so lazy and stay on the computer all day today... I'll have to get up and actually do some housework. Bummer. Plus, I didn't take a walk yesterday, so I REALLY need to take one today...

I just read that before printing presses, it would take a monk as much as 20 years to transcribe a single handwritten copy of the Bible.

Hey! Lucky me... she's still sleeping.

My online friends and I have started a weight loss support group. We are logging what we eat and how much exercise we get. Hopefully the accountability will help us to be more responsible...

My settings were correct... and now the time stamps on my enties reverted to normal. Wonder what was up with that?

So far so good... oh my the time is set all screwy. I'd better go to settings and fix it! It's 10 am here, not 3 pm!

Okay. I put her down... now let's see if she'll STAY down!!!

I fed her at 8 am, not sure if she'd really be hungry, since that was 7 am two days ago... but she gobbled up every bite. Now she's nursing, and I hope will take a decent (one hour) nap!

I had a lousy night last night. The baby woke up at about 12:30 and wouln't go back to sleep deeply enough to return her to her crib 'til about 4:30! I think it's because my son Frank was up doing his laundry and making noise.

Guess it's time to change her diaper again, too.

Nursing the baby again... surprise, surprise. She only took one side last time.

I guess I'd better log off soon and get some housework done, but I don't wanna! (waaahhh)

I just found a recipe that approximates Girl Scout Thin Mints. I wanna try it, cuz the Girl Scouts have been growing few and far between.

Sarah took the baby after I nursed her... have I died and gone to heaven? Everyone is so helpful... I gotta pinch myself.

I'm getting my email under control. Now if only I could do that with the rest of my life. I'll have to try harder.

Or should I say I ATTEMPT to go there every day... when it really won't come up, I just don't get there.

Blogger's acting up on me today. I wonder if anyone else is having the same difficulty? I had to leave and come back.

Frank's weedeating the lawn, and the other kids are helping to rake leaves and put them in the composting corner. I even got Frank to take the baby's swing out and put it under the tree so she could hang out with all the other kids, and she's happy...

Didn't go to church today. Neither did Frank or Selena (of course... she stays home with me!) Bob & the other kids only stayed for Sunday School, then came home... Bob has an earache.

The kids found a hatchling pigeon yesterday. I'm trying to take care of it, but don't know if it's going to survive.

Now I have the baby on my lap. Can't get much done this way!

I'm swamped by life again, and barely getting by... but still hanging in there. I made a pot roast last night, and had some for breakfast this morning. I love using the crock pot because it comes out perfect.

Oops, I did it again... didn't make it here yesterday. Oh well, at least I'm here today.

My sinuses are bothering me today. I hope it doesn't get bad enough to require me to take Benadryl... cuz then I'll have to go back to bed to sleep it off, and we need to take Sarah's bunny to the vet for ANOTHER tooth trim today. So far he's needed it every 30 days for the past two months. : (

Bob just came in from work. He's taken the baby outside for a walk in the fresh air. She was getting fussy...

Yesterday I went to "Respect Life" and dropped off some of the baby's outgrown things, they gave me a "bouncer seat" which is like a walker only stationary, and a small playpen. Also some sleepers and bread.

Damn. Once again I didn't make it here... yesterday was a drag. The day before I didn't get a damn thing done around here... I did yesterday, but it's never enough.

Never enough time. Sigh. Gotta log off and feed the baby...

We tried to go for a walk yesterday, but it began to rain just as we were getting out the door. Try try again?

I got up early this morning, but so did the baby. She rolled over in her crib today, something she hasn't been doing yet... I had put a couple toys near the head of her bed to occupy her upon waking, and she played with them for a while before fussing to be picked up.

Gotta log off now. Taking kids for a walk.

Easter was very tiring, and I haven't gotten my period yet. Don't know if it's just not ready to be regular yet or if the condoms were defective... hopefully it's the former!!!

OMG! I can't believe it's been so long since I got here to write! Jeez, I'm really slipping!

Tired tired tired. Took Sarah and Selena to Sawgrass Mills Mall and walked walked walked all over the place. Got everything we set out to buy... plus she talked me into taking her to dinner at the (expensive) Rainforest Cafe. The dinner was $30.60, plus I tipped the guy $7, and we had drinks waiting for our table, so that was another $8. Jeez. We had a good time, but I sure wish I had some income to keep up with that outflow! Bob gave me $100 for shopping, but I know he didn't intend for us to have an expensive meal. Sigh.

Found the missing sleeping bag. Timmy went right to it, saying he "guessed" where it was... hidden under other things in the corner of the boys room closet. Yeah, right. Just like he didn't try to light a cigarette, which is why he's grounded. Although I grounded him longer for lying about it. He's had a big problem lately with telling the truth. He's also been rather destructive lately. Don't know what the hell his problem is, but I hope he gets over it quickly!

Another day... well, yesterday I made some Italian eggplant... that went over like a lead balloon. No one liked it. Frank ate some just to be polite. I guess I can scratch that recipe! I still have two eggplant in the fridge, so I guess I'll try frying them... no tomato sauce. I also have the leftover steak from lunch the other day to make pepper steak, but I still need more meat to go with the three peppers Bob bought. I've been eating leftovers like crazy so as not to waste food, but I'm going to get fatter than hell if I keep that up!

I swept the floor yesterday, but I never got all my laundry done. It seems like it's always one step forward and two steps back.

Something wierd: My sleeping bag, which Joey always sleeps in, has disappeared. He slept in it Monday night, and awoke in it yesterday, but it's nowhere to be found. Creepy. Nothing else appears to be missing. We can not figure out where it could have gone. Why would someone sneak into our house and steal a sleeping bag and nothing else?

Sigh. There's never enough time.

I've had a headache all day. Ugh.

Took all the boys and myself to the dentist today... I had to take Sarah's appointment and cancel my original appointment which was for tomorrow, cuz Sarah came down with the cold the boys all had. I couldn't get her a rescheduled appointment 'til May 22. And I have to wait for a referral to get my wisdom tooth out. Maybe after I get it out I'll quit having these daily headaches?

I'm trying to do so many things at once... downloading songs, chatting with friends, eating a salad... and I've got two loads of laundry waiting to be folded, another in the dryer, and another in the washer!

We didn't go to church today... and so far it's shaping up to be a rough day.

Selena's had a high fever today. I don't know if it's from her vaccine shots or because she's coming down with whatever Timmy and Joey have had, but I think we may be skipping church tomorrow. I don't know if Bob will go if I don't, but I tried to call and cancel the van and the guy's phone is temporarily disconnected as he is in the process of moving. Sigh. Oh well. I tried!

I'm not feeling too well myself. On the bright side, Bob got us a new washing machine yesterday.

I have to take the baby for her 6 month checkup today. I hate it when she gets her vaccine shots...

I went to bed early last night... in Sarah's room. Woke up at midnight cuz Selena was crying. Changed her diaper and nursed her & put her back to bed...

I got up late this morning. So much for being well rested. Sigh.

I'm tired today. Wish I could just go on back to bed. : (

I had a loooong day today!!! I got up and showered, fed the baby, and left the house at 10:30. I didn't get home 'til 5 so my poor baby wasn't too happy! I had an appointment with my shrink at 11... she says she talked to the DCF worker and doesn't think she'll need to be seeing me for much longer, maybe 3 more visits or so. (I guess she wants me to make another car payment for her before I go, LOL) anyway... then I went to the cell phone place to talk to the guy, and when I came out Giles was on the sidewalk on his cell phone (he has a photography studio he's opening up two doors down) and was trying to get someone to help him pick up some frames he bought... he had too many to fit in his car. So I volunteered, and he bought me lunch afterwards. Then I went to Fort Lauderdale and got my check from Captain Telegram, which was $20 less than I had thought. Turns out the gig paid $30 plus a $20 tip and $5 for gas, I had thought the base pay was $50. Oh well, I still wouldn't have turned down the opportunity to make some money. Doing that singing telegram was fun. After that I dropped off my cell phone to be fixed, picked up Ashley from school (the little girl I'm getting paid $20/week or $5/day to pick up after her swim practice) and went to cash the check I got. I made the mistake of offering to get Ashley a soda and asking her if she'd like anything else while I was at it... ended up spending $10 at Subway as a result! Oh well. Her parents take my kids out to eat all the time, so I can't really complain! Finally, before coming home I went to pick up my cell phone and found out there was no charge for the repair! Hallelujah! I was happy about that! And I talked to my husband when I got home about paying off my cell phone bill as well as getting the things I need for the multitracker from Guitar Center... I think he's going to, but we also need to get the car's brakes done as well as buy a new washing machine. Nevertheless, he got $2500 so I don't think asking for 10% of that is too much...

It's been a long tough day. I made french toast for the kids this morning, and Bob grilled steaks for lunch. He's off for the next two nights, so my routine will be disrupted, but there's not much I can do about that. I guess I'll get further behind again. Damn! I was just getting caught up!

Went to church today for the fourth week in a row... still tough to manage. Kids went to a birthday celebration in the neighborhood today, I got invited along cuz they just LOVE the baby. Free pizza and cake... I can dig it.

Another Pleasant Valley SUNDAY... LOL

Not much to say today... just tryin' to download some Grateful Dead tunes...

I was just about to type today's entry when Joey brought the baby out, saying she was hungry, so I guess I'd better keep it short and sweet. I can still type when I'm holding her, but I have to do so with one hand, therefore looking at the keys instead of the screen, and it is MUCH slower. Well, better go nurse her now. I had nothing significant to report anyway. : P

Well, I got the boil to pop, so it's not as painful as it was, just ugly. Other than that, there's not much going on. I got up kinda late today (7am) so I didn't read as much of my backlogged email as I would have liked to...

Well, I went and did the singing telegram yesterday, and the recipient was delighted. Not only that, but since he was a bartender at a fancy yacht and country club... there was a full house for lunch and they applauded nicely when I was finished with each song. He even walked me outside when I was done. He offered to carry some of my equipment, but I told him no, that it was my job. I sang the new song I just learned without butchering it too badly... and also two of my original love songs whose lyrics can be found on my lyrics page: "Fantasy Romance" and "My Soulmate and Friend". The lyrics page link is at sistersunshine.com and there are other links there as well.

I don't get paid 'til next Tuesday... and now that I've broken the ice by doig this, I'm hoping they'll have more work for me in the future. The hardest part was getting to the gig... I was about five or ten minutes late due to the thick Miami traffic.

On a more sober note, I've had a painful growth that's giving me trouble and I may have to see the doctor about soon. : (

I have a JOB today... doing a singing telegram! $70 for 3 songs plus gas mileage...
It's for a guy's birthday... his girlfriend can't be there... So I gotta dress like a cowgirl... and she wanted me to sing a song I don't know, so I'm trying to learn it well enough to at least sing one verse of it... (Dixie Chicks, Cowboy Take Me Away) For the other two songs I'm going to do my own originals... if I can do it this once and break the ice so I'm not chicken, Captain Telegram will have steady work for me. Seems they're short on people lately. I gotta go up there to Ft. Lauderdale this morning and get the costume, then the gig is at 12:30 I'll let y'all know how it went when I get online again afterwards. Wish me luck!

Well, I didn't make it here on Saturday or Sunday, but I wanted to get back on track, so here I am.

We went to church yesterday... still an ordeal. I don't know if we'll ever "get into the groove" with it, but I'm trying!

I've got an ingrown hair that is driving me crazy. I hope I don't have to go to the doctor and have it lanced. Right now I'm feeling like maybe I shoulda gone back to sleep this morning... I'm tired all the time. Sigh.

Still doing the one step forward, two steps back thing... sigh

Well, I don't really have much to say or a whole lot of presence of mind to think about what I would like to talk about right now, but I wanted to drop in and make an entry before I give up and go on to bed tonight. I haven't been doing too good about getting up early lately!

I just couldn't wake up this morning... so Selena and I slept in 'til almost 10am. Bob washed all the dishes and cooked breakfast... after going for a run with the two younger boys. Sarah was going to go, but she claims her "butt hurts" cuz the youngest boy, Timmy, knocked her down on rollerblades yesterday. Oh well, at least they got some exercise... I've been laying off cuz the weather's been cruddy and I've been more tired than usual... I think it's just because my period's returned. Oh joy.

I guess I'd better get some better vitamins. The cheap Publix vitamins I've been taking don't appear to be doing me any good at all... and Bob offered to get me some from GNC.

The washing machine is acting up again... I don't know if we're going to have it repaired or just buy a new one with the tax refund money. I just know that the 30 loads a week we do is highly inconvenient to take to the laundrymat. Not to mention I'm paranoid of losing things at the laundrymat, ever since, years ago, I left some robes in the dryer and someone stole them by the time I got back when I realized I didn't have them!

Sarah said she was going to fix lunch... she cleaned the table (allegedly to do so) then got out the Monopoly game. Oh... now she says she's putting it away 'til after lunch. Okay. Well, the baby's fussing, so I guess I'd better end this for now and pick her up.

Well, the baby's fussing, so I guess I'm going to have to get off the computer and tend to her. It seems like no matter what time of day I try to go on, it's inconvenient. Sigh.

Now I'm up early, and after staying up so late last night, I wanna go back to bed. I doubt I can though... the baby will be up and wanting her breakfast shortly...

It's late and I'm tired, but at least I can say I got here, LOL... not that I'm still coherent enough to really say anything, but oh well, can't be a genius ALL the time!

I talked to him last night, and instead of going out on our weekly "date" he got online and wrote Penny a "Dear John" letter... I went to bed. Yesterday I got my period for the first time since having the baby. (When you breastfeed it can take up to a year to come back)

I'm a bad girl. Snooping in my husband's email... but it looks like he's been behaving ever since he said he would.

It's been a long day, but I seem to have gotten a lot done. I went to the Post Office and finally mailed out Tim's CD that I promised him over a month ago... went to Respect Life and dropped off some outgrown baby clothes, as well as picking up some things they had that I needed... then I went to pee for the state. After all that I went to two thrift stores and obtained three pairs of long pants for each of my two younger boys, as well as a windbreaker-type jacket for my daughter. I also got several loads of laundry washed & dried, if not folded & put away... ran a load of dishes, and cooked supper as well as making s'mores twice for everyone (after lunch and after dinner) I even bathed the baby... which I skipped last night because it was cold and the heat is not working for some reason... good night!

Well, I guess I'm not getting much done. I should probably log off and get some laundry going... as well as dishes... but I'm so damn tired of both!

They want to make really sure you don't try to cheat on the urine tests. They take a lot of precautions. 1. The water in the toilet is blue, so you can't get away with adding it to the sample, 2. The back of the toilet tank is chained shut, 3. You have to lock your purse in a little box before going into the bathroom to give your sample, and 4. The urine collection container has a thermometer strip on it to make sure it just came out of your body. Of course, I DO know of ways to get around all of that, but I'm clean so I have no reason to want to cheat. For example, they sell these "shooter" things in bars in a tube... I've heard of people having a clean friend pee in one of those to take and substitute... but I suppose you'd have to stick it in your vagina like a tampon to get it to be the right temperature... and I don't know WHAT a guy would do... plus you have to fill the cup to a certain level, and I don't know if one of those shooters would hold enough liquid. There are also the drinks that clean your pee, and I know people who have successfully passed drug tests while indulging in drug use by using those, so I know they work, but I also know others for whom they did NOT work. I think if you follow the instructions properly they work, and they have a money back guarantee...

I have a few stops to make when I go out, so I've made some formula for the baby. I hope Frank will take care of her and not leave his dad stuck, cuz Bob's working 12 hour shifts right now and he's really tired.

I have to go pee for the state today... oh joy

It's cold out today, and our heater keeps cutting out. I think we need a repairman, but we can't afford it, so I guess it's time to bundle up 'til the temperature warms up. Chances are it's not going to work on A/C either, though, so it's gonna get hot in here, then. Sigh. It's always something.

I'm not feeling too positive right now. I had a rough day yesterday, didn't get much done, and I feel like my life is a neverending string of obligations that I've set up and no longer want to deal with. I feel enslaved and kinda hopeless. I have to keep reminding myself that I am only going through a phase and that this too shall pass.

The DCF worker called and showed up yesterday, I'm sure that doesn't help my state of mind. My shrink called and rescheduled my appointment for next week. Being loving toward my husband when I don't really FEEL anything is a strain, too, but I don't know what else to do.

Had a hard time getting up today... didn't get up 'til 7. Gotta go to the shrink tonight at 6... and the DCF worker hasn't called to come by yet this month, either. Wonder why? I suppose she'll come by before Friday (the first of the month) and I still have to go pee for them to prove I'm still straight...

Well, we made it to church... an exhausting experience. I'm still trying to get caught up on laundry and dishes, but it seems I never do... took a LONG walk with Selena, Joe, and Tim today. Very tired now.

I'm trying to get everyone together to go to church... not sure if it's going to work out. Be back later to report...

My daughter wants chicken noodles soup, and since we don't have any she's being difficult and says she doesn't want anything we have. C'est la vie! I'll ask the others what they want after I go to the library and drop off the videos that are due today.

Last night Bob and I went to the beach, but it was all drizzly, and we only had enough change for 1/2 hour on the meter. The first place we went to had BAD karaoke singers, and the second was so crowded, we figured by the time we got served our time would be up on the meter... so we went back to the pool hall and shot a few games instead.

Ha ha ha... I actually got here. Dunno how long I'll get to stay, but I guess I'll make the best of it while I can.

I guess I'd better close my blog for the day and get on to other things. It's been real, LOL

Bob and Sarah are going to buy some flowers to plant in the planter out front today. They have already prepared the bed, so all they need now are the plants.

Frankie just got up and I told him about the plans his father and I had for tonight. He's going to try to be home by the baby's bath time... he wants to go to his cousin's house this afternoon.

The kids are making noise, so my time is short... they'll be waking up the baby before long!

Bob just got home and told me he doesn't have to work tonight, so I guess we'll go out tonight instead of noon tomorrow. Not sure where we'll go or what we'll do though. Now to get Sarah to sleep in her own room...

Some days are better than others. I hope this is one of the good ones. It started out pretty good... I guess it's up to me to keep it going that way.

Selena let me sleep an extra hour today, so I actually got 8 full hours of sleep. I fell asleep before 10:30 last night, and instead of waking up at 5:30am today, she woke up at 6:30... so I didn't get online 'til around 7:30. If she would do that every day, I'd be much more well rested, but of course I'd need to get to sleep early every night, too.

My friend Rex finally got back online... he had taken a break from it for so long that his email box filled up! It's nice to have him around to chat with once in a while... although the more I chat, the less I get caught up on MY email!

Bob didn't go to the grocery yesterday... he took the kids to the beach. But he's going to go today, and I suppose he and I are going out at lunchtime tomorrow, because he's scheduled to work 7 days this week. We are trying to work on improving our relationship and stay together. So far so good... I'm sure we have a long way to go though.

I hope Bob goes to the grocery today and gets what is on the list. It is getting too long for the paper!

Giles said that he would photograph me for free... we'll see if it ever actually happens. I'll believe it when I see it!

On the way home from the beach, we stopped so that Frank could pay for the cell phone minutes. I stayed at the car, and it turns out that my old friend Giles was nearby, working on his soon-to-be-opened photography studio. We chatted for a bit, and he gave me a beer. I drank the beer pretty fast cuz I was really thirsty after walking in the wind. I started coughing when I was talking to him because I am no longer used to talking for any real length of time, and we had been walking in the wind just prior to that.

Yesterday, instead of walking with the stroller around the neighborhood, as I have been doing for about the past week, Frank and I took Selena to the beach. We first walked South (into the wind, which was out of the South East) along the water's edge, in the sand. Then we walked back North towards the car again, on the broadwalk. Frank did some pullups and inclined crunches along the way, using part of the "vita-course" to do so. We were both quite tired from carrying Selena and walking, by the time we got back to the car and headed home.

The birds are singing, and when I went out for a cigarette I was watching them meander back and forth across the sky, which was tinged with the hues of sunrise. The recycling truck has just been by, but it's noisy clatter has moved on. The nearby interstate drones in the background, but the sounds of nature are quite clear.

Still sleepy, though. I didn't get a nap yesterday, and I'm not sure that I'll get one today. I should be taking one every day, but if I did, I'd just fall further and further behind.

Up early for the third day in a row! That's got to be a record. I hope I can continue on this track at least six days a week. I'll plan to sleep in on Saturdays, though.

Do you get a negative attitude because you're having a bad day,
or do you have a bad day because of your negative attitude?

Explorer just shut down on me... almost every time I try to go to "iwon today" at iwon.com it freezes up my computer. Sometimes I can get out of it without rebooting, sometimes not... but if I DO get out of it, Explorer ends up shut down, limiting what I can do.

I have always liked this quote from Mother Theresa, which was printed on the business cards she used to hand out:
The Fruit of Silence is Prayer
The Fruit of Prayer is Faith
The Fruit of Faith is Love
The Fruit of Love is Service
The Fruit of Service is Peace -- Mother Teresa

My email at aol is piling up... I never seem to have enough time to clear much of it. When I DO have the time, I seldom have the presence of mind to concentrate and read well. I hate it when it disappears before I've had a chance to read it, as it does when it's getting old.

I've been trying to get around to remembering to send my friend Tim one of my demo CDs. He is someone I knew 20 years ago, back home. I used to babysit for him and his wife, Kim. They are long since divorced, and their daughter, Krystal, is 21 now... I think he said she's getting married! Boy does that ever make me feel old.

It seems like trying to do more is futile, I just trudge along through life like a sleepwalker. I'll be glad when this phase is over... and I hope it IS, soon!

I managed to get up early this morning, but I'm still sleepy... just like yesterday. I don't know why I'm so tired all the time, guess it's just from taking care of the baby. She really wears me out.

I am so tired today... having trouble functioning. I wanted to drop in here and say a few words, but I'm too brain dead to think of anything.

I'm back... got the baby down for a nap, and I'm sleepy but I don't trust her to stay asleep long enough to let ME get a decent nap. When she gets up it is time to go out for a walk with her in the stroller, as we have been doing on a daily basis for about a week now. I've been trying to walk a little further every day and get some exercise, as well as tire the kids out some. I was taking ALL of them along, but they were fighting with each other and getting on my nerves so I really couldn't enjoy the walk, so now I'm only taking one kid a day (besides Selena) on "their day" which is predesignated: Sunday is Sarah's, Monday is Joey's, Tuesday is Timmy's, and Friday is Frank's. So on Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday, I'll do my best to get them ALL to come along... but that may change, too, LOL

No matter what I try to do I always feel like it's never enough and the harder I work at it the further behind I seem to fall. Don't know what the solution is... but time will tell on that score, I'm sure. At least I have been getting SOMETHING done!

Well, for a moment I have both hands free to type. I'd better make the best of it!

The baby slept through the night last night for once. I woke at around 20 after 6, rested and refreshed, so I got up to take advantage of the silence and catch up on some of my email. It wasn't long, however, before Selena and Sarah were up, and soon I'm going to have to log off and cook breakfast.

Bob and I are trying hard to improve our relationship. I am sure we will be successful as long as we keep working at it.

I've also made out a schedule like my shrink suggested. I'm not so sure how good I'll be at sticking to it, or if it is going to be of any real benefit at all, but I figured it was worth a try, and I couldn't unequivocally say that it WON'T work if I didn't give it a shot. So far it seems that I have no real spare time, and I'm not sure how to rectify that. I've sent my schedule to one friend for suggestions, but perhaps I should send it to several more. First I'll see what he has to say.

Well... the baby's fussing and Sarah's being mean to her... and getting nasty with Timmy, too, so I guess my time's up. More later?

Went out & shot pool last night... I wish I could get enough time on the computer to put a decent entry in this Diary, but I always seem to be typing with one hand while I hold the baby lately...

I don't have time to type, as usual. I'm getting really stressed out over my life. Supposed to go on a "date" with my husband tonight... nervous about trying to renew our relationship on top of everything else that's going on...

Would ya look at that? I missed another day. Sigh. It's hard to keep up with everything... and not getting easier, either.

I gave my husband a heartfelt letter along with his valentine card yesterday, and he responded by email... it looks like we're going to try and make a go of it... we'll see. Time will tell. I promised to cut all ties with former lovers, including friendship, as long as he does likewise with Penny. The difference is, none of MY former lovers were still trying to talk me into leaving my husband or talking shit about him behind his back. Well, it is a time when compromises must be made, so I'm inclined to cut my losses and do what he wants. It's not like he ever demanded that I do so, but he won't quit talking to Penny if I don't.

Well, instead of going back to sleep at 6am today, I got up to get a jump on the internet. Still didn't get that far, but I've sent out my newsletter and read a few emails. Other than that, I ate breakfast and now I'm prepared to do a few other things. However, I don't believe making a schedule, as my shrink suggested, would do a damn bit of good. You can't schedule a baby's whims. And she'd be sure to throw it off which would only make me feel worse and like MORE of a failure!

I had really strange dreams last night... something about having to eat some guy's leg! Ewww! And other weird and wild stuff... but anyway, been tired all day cuz it was NOT restful!

I had to go to the shrink today. She thinks making a schedule and following it would help. Obviously she's never had babies to contend with! Sigh. I'm so depressed... I hope I can get myself out of this slump soon.

It's been a rough day as usual... maybe I'll come back later and say more.

I made a Valentine card for my husband today, and spent the better part of today writing him a heartfelt letter in the hope that it will elicit some kind of response from him and I will know once and for all where I stand.

It's been a lazy day... had sinus trouble this morning, so I took Benadryl and Sudafed Sinus... then Selena and I went to bed together and nursed/napped from 1-4 this afternoon. Bob took Sarah, Joe, and Tim to see "Big Fat Liar" and they had a good time. Joey spent all of his Christmas money this afternoon buying ice cream from the ice cream truck for all the neighborhood kids. Generous, but a bit foolish, I say.

Got a dilemma to work out with my newsletter... one of the subscribers has been insulting others, and as a result, one of my subscribers said she's thinking about unsubscribing. My dilemma is whether to unsubscribe the offender, let Michelle unsubscribe due to having been offended, or initiate some ground rules. I think I'm going to take the latter route, and lay down the law. I mean, it says "pet peeves from anyone about anything" but it doesn't say "pet peeves from anyone about anyONE". I'm still mulling it over, which is why I have not yet posted the newsletter today. It's getting late, however, and I need to bathe the baby, so I may have to go ahead and bite the bullet, or else bathe the baby and get her to bed before I deal with it.

My son Frank is at a neighbor's house... it's raining and that brings out these little tree frogs we have in the neighborhood. Apparently they scared one in the door, and now it's lost in the house. They're all terrified of it, so they called him to come over and catch it, but it can't be found now... so he's hanging out there watching tv and waiting for the frog to show itself. The stupidest part is that the reason they're all afraid of it is because they are scared that they will get warts if they touch it!!!

As usual I didn't sleep too well... and I forgot to take my vitamins yesterday so I'm feeling particularly "blah" today. Also had a frog in my throat for about the past week. I know I should give up tobacco, but after having been forced into giving up reefer, it's doubly hard.

Not much else to say, just wanted to make a post in order to be consistent. I've only missed one day, ever, since starting this diary, which has got to be a new record for me!

Well, it's been a tough day. I went out with Frank last night at midnight, hoping to ride the roller coaster at Boomer's, but it was closed. So we went to the all night drugstore and I got some anbesol for my poor teething baby. I didn't get to sleep 'til about 2:30, and the baby got up at 6:30... but I managed to get her to nap from about 9:30-11:30 during which time I also napped. While this was going on my husband took Sarah, Joe, and Tim out for a bike ride and lunch at Burger King... then he grilled a steak for dinner. Meanwhile I got a load of dishes and a couple of loads of laundry run today, barely.

Then, this evening, Sarah fell off a skateboard and got hurt. Dunno yet if anything's broken, but she's adamently opposed to having xrays done, so we won't be going to the ER tonight, at least. Maybe tomorrow, if there's any swelling apparent. Gave her some ice and advil.

I'm exhausted. Gonna log off and give the baby her bath then scoot my butt off to bed... in Sarah's bed, and she'll be sleeping in mine. Usually she wakes up and brings me the baby in the mornings, but she can't do that if she's hurt, so... it's better this way anyway. I should sleep in the girls' room with the baby until she finishes adjusting and starts sleeping through the night again. Sigh. I can hardly wait!

Bob and the boys came back already... baby's still wearing me out. Not much else to say, and it's a pain in the butt typing with one hand and holding the baby with the other!

Had a rough day... feeling a bit insecure, and not sure how to change it. But tired of feeling like a lump, for sure.

My husband took the two birthday boys (Frank, 16 and Timmy, 8) to their grandma's...

Joey thought his scooter was stolen... had to call Frank at his grandma's to find out where it was. What a boring life I have.

I stayed up 'til 2:30 am downloading an antivirus program... ran it... no virus. Tina was mistaken. She says the virus she got was from an email I sent her. How can it come from an email I sent, yet not affect me??? Sigh. I just don't comprehend. Maybe it's because I didn't get enough sleep... but I suspect that even well-rested this one would stump me.

Today has been a drag. Sleep deprivation sux. Hope I get more rest soon.

Tina says I've got a virus. Hope I can get rid of it.

Well, today I went to a movie. It's the first time I've been to a movie at the newest theater in town, although it's been open for a year or two. The last movie I went to see was "A Knight's Tale" last year at the $2 theater out west. Today we saw "I Am Sam" and it was good. I'd be really surprised if Sean Penn doesn't win an award for his compelling performance. He was very believable.

Frank babysat so I could take Sarah and Jodi (her best friend) to the movie, as Sarah had been saving her Christmas money for this... it was her (belated) birthday treat to Jodi. I'm pretty well worn out, now, though, as I'm not used to going out anywhere, and I didn't get as much sleep as I could have liked to last night either.

Ever since I started putting the baby in her crib she's been waking up at 5, 6, 7am and then I bring her to bed with me to nurse and fall back asleep with her, but I've got to break that habit or she'll never go back to sleeping through the night again. So this time, I'm going to try to get up and check her diaper, nurse her if necessary, and put her back to bed. Hopefully I'll have her back to sleeping through the night soon! I'm beginning to really miss that bassinet!

Not much going on here today. But Bob is off tonight and tomorrow night, then working day shift on Sunday... after that he's taking a week's vacation. On Tuesday he is taking Frank and Timmy to their grandma's for their birthdays.

Ever since my baby started on cereal, she’s begun to wake up every day at 6:30 am, and doesn’t want to take her naps in the daytime any more! She’s wearing me out!

I went and peed for the state today. Allegedly after I do this two more times, once in February and once in March, they will close the case and leave me alone. I'll believe it when I see it!

I went and dropped off the other bassinet at the charity I go to today, and picked up a high chair & a few other things. Well... gotta go, the baby needs her diaper changed.

No time to write today, but my dishwasher was finally fixed... hooray!

Baby's fussy... let me see if I can quickly encapsulate the day...
I went to the shrink at noon, had a nice chat about carpal tunnel syndrome, sex, kids, pets, typing, and a host of other subjects... remarkable for one hour. She's a busy busy lady. Amazing. She has no kids or pets, and I don't think she's married either... she has three offices, and bikes/rollerblades on weekends. Says she types up abou 30-40 reports a week and can't even touch type!

While I was at the shrink the new caseworker from DCF came... she said they want a drug test from me once a month for at least the next two months, and then they can close the case. I'll believe that when I see it. I sure hope so. This shit has dragged on for long enough!

The rest of the day has been relatively uneventful, save for the fact that the baby didn't seem interested in eating her cereal today. I don't know why. Not pushing her though... if she doesn't want it, no biggie. She will eventually be interested in eating all the time, so if she wants to take a break that's okay. She is still nursing well.

Just a rotten rotten day. Here is a copy of the letter I sent to a few people who insisted on knowing what was wrong:
You asked for it...
Life just sux, that's all.
It's a long story... lotta shit
I keep having a massive headache every day-sinus on the left side I think it's related to the wisdom tooth that's impacted over there... past x-rays showed the roots were invading my sinuses.
On top of that, DCF called today and wants me to have a $30 piss test by the end of the month (Friday) and I have to go to the shrink ($25) tomorrow, plus the dishwasher repair guy AND DCF worker are coming tomorrow. The dishwasher is gonna be yet another $25 on top of all we already paid him cuz it needed a new heating element, which may be what blew the computer out to begin with...
I can't just pull the tooth. I have to go to an oral surgeon, and the insurance only covers a percentage of the total. Gonna have to wait 'til Bob (my husband) gets the tax refund back, and he doesn't even have all his W2's to file yet.
Not to mention I have a list on the bedroom wall by his desk of all the things the tax refund money was already needed for... tooth removal wasn't on there.
I've been crying a lot. Strangely enough, that seems to relieve a lot of the pain... I guess it decongests me.
I hate my life.
Baby wouldn't take a nap today... I guess she senses my stress and it affects her, which then makes it worse...
I got a Christmas card from a friend (Bill) today in a package with my son's birthday gifts... seems it got returned to him by the post office when he sent it originally. It had a $25 check in it which I promptly signed and gave to Bob to help defray all these expenses...
I have a constant sinus headache on the left side, sometimes dull, sometimes sharp... and sometimes with the addition of a burning sensation. It's hard to think through it. It's about to drive me insane.
How's that? Remember... YOU asked!

Up late again but ready to go to bed soon. Bob has been scheduled for five days this week, which sure beats the hell out of the three he was scheduled for last week. He did take a vacation day to help fill out the paycheck a bit, but with the 22 hours he worked, that still makes only 30 he's getting paid for. Yikes! If this keeps up I'll have no choice but to seek some form of employment.

Baby fought sleep this evening, which made clipping her nails very difficult. I had to do it, though, cuz they were getting dangerously long and I was afraid she was going to hurt herself. Plus she kept pinching us all! Managed to get it done without nipping her like I did last time, though. I felt so bad when I made my poor little girl bleed... even though she didn't seem the least bit disturbed by it. She didn't whine, cry, or complain in the slightest.

These daily headaches are getting me down. If they don't stop soon (within a week or two) I'm going to have to go to the doctor about them. I just hate to do that when Bob's income is at an absolute low. However, I do prefer to keep him as broke as possible so he can't be spending money on pornography or Penny. So I guess it's okay.

I gotta go to the shrink again on Tuesday. Ms. Holman from DCF never has called this month, however, so I don't know if they've decided it was time to close my case or if BSO told her they're taking me to court, or what. Nerve-wracking. If I haven't heard from her by the first of the month, I'm going to call her and find out why. She is supposed to come every month and have all my kids sign forms that say she came... blah blah blah... buncha bullshit. Beware us dangerous potheads. What a bunch of nonsense. Wasting time harassing me while some poor kid's getting his brains bashed in across town and they're doing nothing about it.

I am about ready to go out of my mind. I'm overtired and underhelped... sigh. I have so much to do I don't know where to start. My oldest son is not home, and probably won't be for at least another hour... and he wants to go out of town for a week or two or even a month or two... it is hard enough to get through one day without his help. I want to cry my eyes out. No, I don't think antidepressants would help... that wouldn't solve a damn thing. All it would do is add to the cost of living which is spiraling out of control while my husband's schedule is diminishing. There's no way adding an expense is going to benefit us... and medication is not going to change the situation. Plus, the last time I was on antidepressants, Zoloft to be exact, I HATED the stuff. Gave me heart palpitations making me feel like I was going to have a heart attack, and creepy dreams. NO I DON'T WANT ANTIDEPRESSANTS! Unless they legalize reefer as one. A phat stogey right now would definately put me in the right state of mind to tolerate all that is before me, as well as in the mood to get things done. Sigh. The drug companies are behind keeping it illegal, cuz they know it would eliminate the need for most of their garbage that they push on us poor hapless souls. I just hope I don't end up court ordered to take that poison. Who knows? It might be Prozac or something that will make me COMPLETELY bonkers. Don't wanna risk it.

Another day another disappointment. The parts to repair my dishwasher came in, finally, so he came and repaired it, only to find that the heating element was dead, and may have been what blew out the computer to begin with. Gotta wait 'til next week now for THAT to come in. Sigh. Maybe we should have just bought a whole new dishwasher.

I've been spending so much time chatting online that I haven't gotten to my email for days... sigh. Never enough time.

And I keep having sinus headaches every day lately. I really really wish it would STOP!

My oldest son, Frank, swept & mopped last night, so at least the floor isn't all sticky and yucky any more. It's always something! I wish I could afford a maid to get the rest of the cleaning done... sigh.

Well,
gotta hold the baby now... time to go

Man... it's been another tough day... not getting anything done... been chatting with one friend after another on IMs all day and have hardly read any of my email. Made 2 boxes of baby wipes, and washed laundry but didn't get any folded. Managed to give Selena her 3 helpings of rice cereal... and made sausage & eggs for Timmy and myself this morning (no one else was hungry when we ate)

Baby's really demanding since I started her on cereal... like she's had a personality change!

Today didn't star out so bad... but maybe because I stayed up 'til 3am last night, it's gone downhill from there. It's been a rough one... and this evening I had to change clothes 3 times in one hour when the baby pooped and spit up all over me, herself, and the chair I'm sitting on, then I bathed her and she spit up on me again... sigh. More laundry. But at least she's had her bath for the night early... she should be ready to go to sleep in another hour or two. I'm beat. Won't be burning the midnight oil tonight... and my email's piling up again, just when I was starting to get caught up on it!

Copy of the letter I sent to Rex this morning: Not only was Bob only scheduled to work 3 days this week, but he got off 2 1/2 hours early today... came straight in the door and headed for the computer... (without stopping to see if I was awake & talking to me) but I asked him to go to the store and get me some Coke. (I woulda told him I needed it last night, but he left for work without speaking to me.) I then jumped on the computer hoping you'd be on... but I guess I missed ya. Sigh. That's life, eh? Selena woke up at 5:30 this morning... first time I tried to let her sleep in the crib. She's back to bed now and I'm wide awake... debating about whether to stay online or let Bob go on and talk to you know who...
I guess I'll go back to bed. Selena has a checkup today, and that means I have to get my shit together and go out later... not used to that. If Bob doesn't start working more I'm gonna have to get used to going out, though, cuz I'm gonna have to get a J.O.B.!
Oh well... too bad you're not still on. Love ya anyway!
Lyd
Yes... life really sucks sometimes.

Well, back to the same old same old. Time to log off and give the baby her bath... my husband goes to work only tonight, Wednesday, and Thursday this week. Sigh. Broke city next week... and who knows how long thereafter? Feast or famine.

I'm up later than usual, and I guess it's kinda stupid to stay up... but when the baby's awake I can't really get caught up online very well. Of course, the later I stay up the more I'm gonna regret it tomorrow when she won't let me sleep... but it's a holiday, so at least I don't have to worry about the kids' homeschooling tomorrow. Thank you Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.! (Even if the garbage men won't come...)

It's really annoying me that the Texas bimbo my husband won't stop talking to is feeding his pornography addiction. Just who the hell does she think she is? I can think of some serious tortures I'd like to implement on her sorry ass. It's a good thing I'm a writer or I might be a horrible criminal. Perhaps that is what I should do... write a book about what I'd like to do. The best revenge would be if it were a bestseller, and when I do the talk show circuit she could see me on tv telling about her and how she inspired it, knowing full well I was talking about her but never giving her direct credit.

In the meantime, this blog is a good way to let off steam regarding that and other situations. Perhaps, therefore, it IS a good idea to stay up late at night once in a while, as I may be more reserved during the day.

The baby is very demanding today... getting bored easily. I can hardly wait 'til she can sit up and play with toys, etc. But that will bring its own set of problems, as she'll be mobile soon after and getting into everything!

It's been a boring day... no wonder the baby's annoyed. The weather's hotter than usual, and it's either too hot or too cold no matter where I set the A/C. Sigh. Nothing's perfect in this world.

Well, maybe something will change soon, but for now, same old same old.

I don't really believe in fun anymore. Nothing interests me... I just plod along day by day... sigh. Same old same old around here. Got most of the Christmas stuff put away, now I gotta wait for Frank to feel like doing what I asked him to do, which is to take the lights down and put them away as well as the tree. Sigh. I am so tired of having to nag them to get them to do what they should do. I wish I felt like doing what I should be doing myself... but I still just can't bring myself to care enough to get much done.

My friend Jim's mother just died. He went to Ohio when she was put on life support, then again when they said she was brain dead and they were gonna pull the plug, but didn't... his wife was being a bitch so they went home to New York. Now he's got to go back to Ohio again, for the funeral... what a horrible time he's having.